Among people in substance abuse recovery, there is a commonly used term: the "white-knuckle" approach. This is named because peoples' knuckles typically turn white when they are holding on for dear life. More practically, this means trying to quit a substance with literally no outside support network or mechanisms - just sheer, raw will. While there are the exceptions, practical experience has informed me (and most other people I know) that the "white knuckle" method typical

I have certain parts of my practice that are, quite deliberately, "old school." One is the entry of final divorce orders. These days, in many jurisdictions, if you come to an agreement, you can simply submit your orders to the courthouse along with a sworn declaration from one of the parties layout out all the necessary factual findings for a divorce. The "old school" way is to actually go to court with your client, have them appear before a judge, and give sworn testimony a

“Ugh!” my client said, “He knows just what to say to push my buttons!” I read through the text message between her and her soon-to-be ex-husband. Reviewing the way she went off on him, I could not help but agree with her. That said, I winced because I knew all too well that those same messages, which made sense to me in the context of years of dysfunction, would not look good on a “cold read” that a commissioner deciding a family law case might have. She cusse

So, one of my big teaching points with students is the use of checklists. Family law is staggeringly complicated. Someone comes in the door, and within the course of an hour, you need to figure out their family composition, income, assets, property, liabilities, psychological dynamics and then take all that data and funnel into a predictive model. THEN you use that model to create about forty pages of technical documents. With that many moving pieces, a checklist goes from "g

Years ago, I had a client in a divorce case. Her husband had left the house about three months before she contacted me, but their dynamic was still far from healthy. He was the main earner in the house, and their text messages about keeping the bills paid in his absence were practically a textbook of the "soft abusive dynamic." No hard threats (indeed no violence at all between them), but there was a subtle, pervasive effort at interpersonal dominance in all of the exchanges.

When people get into treatment for alcohol addiction, a common component of the treatment is to go through their homes and get rid of every drop of alcohol there. Beer, liquor, wine... even mouthwash. (I can't tell you how many times I've actually had a client get desperate and drink Scope.) The reason for this is utterly practical. If someone has alcohol in their house and they are an alcoholic... they'll drink it. If someone has an addiction to drugs, a part of the treatm

Years ago, I had a divorce case. There was not anything particularly unique about it. Marriage was about 10 years. No kids. But there was definitely infidelity. Infidelity is one of those odd things in divorce law. Washington is what is called a "no fault" divorce state. What this means is that, for the vast majority of the time, whether or not someone is unfaithful has no legal relevance whatsoever. It does not have anything to do with property division, and rarely ever has

The Bear Problem As a species, we are not terribly well suited to modern times. Our reaction to danger tends to be very physical in nature. Adrenaline surges. Body temperatures spike. Heart rate elevates. Skin flushes. Blood rushes away from our extremities and pools towards our center. Our thoughts become hyper-fixated and narrow. We tend towards behavioral loops – repeating the same actions over and over with additional fervor. This constel

Every now and then, I think it is important to diverge a bit from my usual family law topics. For many years before I practiced family...

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you probably know that I am a vocal advocate for people forming "survival committees" of...

Typically, I write this blog for the litigants, but this post is for the litigators. Being a family law lawyer is a challenging endeavor....

Can you recite the pledge of allegiance? Could you do it while you were driving? Could you do it while doing a math problem? Could you do...

"Oh, she's willing to negotiate, but she won't tell you anything about her assets or income until you agree to the parenting plan she...

It is not uncommon for someone to come into my office for an initial divorce consultation with a spreadsheet containing a proposed...

A dear friend of mine defines maturity in people as "a deep ability to connect present actions to future outcomes." I generally agree...

A common mistake made by clients (and Courts) is adoption of a "one size fits all" attitude for parenting plans. The reality of parenting...

Tragically, domestic violence is a frequent part of family law proceedings. Many victims of domestic violence think, "I should get a...

One of the most common scenarios in my family law practice: A client comes in for a consultation on a divorce. In the course of the...

Once the lawyers and judges have made their way out of your life, you are left with the often challenging job of co-parenting. If there...

This blog is the first entry in the "Practitioner's Corner" series, where I discuss recent developments in Washington case law that...